Con-artists are often tough to spot. One of the number reasons is that they become adept at using the skills of emotional intelligence for thier own narcissitic reasons versus the higher good. As anyone who has tangled with a con-artist knows, they are skilled at the nuaces of reading other people’s behaviors and emotions. They know just what to say and when to say it. This is because the emotional intelligence skill sets that are necessary to survive in today’s global economy are skills that can be learned by anyone. As a performance coach, I have helped people to take quantum growths in business, athletic and personal success by teaching the tools of emotional intelligence.
With a background in neurology and psychology, I am often asked how con-artists are able to live with themselves considering all the harm and destruction that they leave in their path. Con-artists lack emotional empathy. According to Daniel Goleman’s definition, “emotional empathy means we feel in ourselves the other person’s emotions – our feelings resonate. People adept at emotional empathy can form warm bonds with others, and have good chemistry. Such rapport makes negotiations, teamwork and just about any shared task go better.” Con-artists lack empathetic concern for others. This is the reason they are able to manipulate, lie and steal from others with a smile on their face. They do not FEEL the emotions of others and therefore have no concern over how their behavior will affect another.
In truth, many of most successful people in the world have one or two stories about how they have tangles with con-artists including myself. If you have had the experience of dealing with a con-artist, they were more and likely an expensive lesson financially and emotionally. Often times after being seduced by a confidence artist, people will then waste time trying to understand how someone could be so callous. I remind people trying to rationalize sociopaths will only make you crazy. Instead, I have helped people move past this experience through several different exercises. One of the exercises is writing out the gifts that these people have given to you. For example, here a few of mine:
They have taught me that I am blessed to be able to care about the well-being of others. Can you imagine how lonely a life that is completely centered around yourself?
They have given me the gift of discrimination. While I enjoy my pollyanna glasses, I recognize the traits of a con-artist much sooner now. This allows me the opportunity to set boundaries with them and spend less time, money, and energy that could be used for something positive.
They got me to be grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. When I realized that I was maxed out financially and emotionally in a business with con-artists, I found myself surrounded by people offering me solutions to getting back in balance. Instead of trying to understand the motives of someone who does not feel or care about others, I spent my time being grateful for those who do instead,
Ready to train your staff how to boost empathy and emotional intelligence? Contact international performance coach Jenny Craig, LCSW, BCD. She shares practical tools to boosting emotional intelligence utilizing her background in nuerololgy and psychology.
Bring Jenny to your organization or train your entire staff online today.
Check it out at http://www.liveyourpower.com
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